90 Days Clean

The tittle of this entry may be a little confusing considering this next monday will make 133 days clean, but I was thinking about one of the first addiction recovery meetings. I will never forget this man stood up, his addiction not important, but he looked at everyone and said “I am 90 days clean.” After leaving that meeting I was so overwhelmed with everything in my life at that time, but I turned to my friend who was with me and said “I wanna be 90 days clean.” So without even realizing I am now 90 days clean, plus some.

Staying clean from self harm is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. It has been worth it, no doubt, but I sometimes would forget that this whole recovery thing I was trying to tackle was a process. I would get down on myself a lot of times just because I felt sad or I felt the urge, but that isn’t ever gonna go away. There will always be times where I am sad and no amount of medicine will fix that and I will probably always struggle with an urge to self harm. When you come to finally see just how much you life has benefited from simply starting the recover process, going to that first meeting, or even just telling someone you need help, that allows you to step back and say I made the first step now I can do the rest. Its not to say that is won’t be hard or that sometimes you won’t hurt, but if there is one thing I know, it’s that you can do hard things, because that first step was had, one of the hardest, and you did it! And you can continue to do them.

If you haven’t yet made that first step… speak up, tell someone you need help, drive yourself to a meeting, you are in control of your life and what happens is all up to you. The ball is in your court. What will you choose to do?

I was just rereading some of what I wrote and it is the exact words one of my church leaders told me, probably pretty close word to word. Another thing I can’t stress enough is having a good support system. Mine was made up of a lot of people and I am very lucky to have all of them in my life. So I urge you to surround yourself with good people and then try to make them you’re support system. 

Baby steps my dear,

Katelyn