Fight Like Hell

I wish I wouldn't have relapsed, but that does not mean my life stops. It does not mean I give up. What it means is that now is the time that I must fight my hardest for happiness. I am forced with a choice, one that seems so simple to make, but so hard to follow through with. It is ok to mess up, but it is not ok to give up. I know it seems easier. I know it seems like maybe that's the only choice, but its not. You have a choice and the choice you need to make is one, to live and two, to fight. When I relapsed I got a text from a friend, not saying anything else, but "Its time to fight my dear, fight like hell." So that's what I am doing. I am fighting and it hurts and it is exhausting and most of time all I want to do is sit and cry. I do allow myself to cry. I allow myself to feel and to cry if I need to, but that can not become your life. You're in control. You have the power. Not to say I don't get sad and I am not fighting myself all day not to cut, because I do. Every second of everyday I am trying to keep myself busy and clean. You need to find a way to avoid siting alone, thinking, over thinking, and then begin the dangerous road of hating yourself. I wish I could tell you that its easier the next time around, but its not. Not even close. I would go to say that its harder. BUT it is worth it. I can tell you its going to be worth it when thanksgiving comes around and I go to see my friends back home and its going to be worth it when I go home for Christmas and I can see my brothers and sisters and my whole family. I can tell you it will be worth it when one day again I can say I am 90 days clean. 

I know you can do it. I know you have people who care in love you and once you can see that it will become that much easier to get up everyday and fight.

So, go on, fight. Fight like Hell.

Baby steps.

Katelyn