Falling Down the Rabbit Hole

Falling down the scary rabbit hole of depression can seem like you are just falling straight to your death. You feel like you can't stop or even slow down and before you know it, you've hit bottom and you don't know what to do. It takes me about a week to finish falling down my rabbit hole. The pain you can feel and the lack of life you can feel is both unsettling and tortuous. What seems to take double or even triple the time is climbing back out, dusting yourself off, and trying to start again. 

Starting again is not bad, its not a negative. It just means you stumbled maybe feel down and now your standing back on your two feet. And it's really hard and I suck at it to be honest. Today I am beginning my climb back out. Part of that is asking for help and doing the things you need to do to keep yourself safe. Separating yourself from those who weigh you down, resting, and keep pushing forward. Sleep is something I always seem to over look. I hate sleeping. If I could function on three hours of sleep I would and I used to live that way, but since I started this whole recovery process I have realized that sleep is so very important. When my sleep gets messed up is when I begin to fall down that rabbit hole. Another thing I hate doing, but I know that is so important is reaching out for help. You can't do it on your own, you just can't especially when you are running on no sleep and are just mentally and physically exhausted and can barely function. For me right now it is going to my sisters house. Now when you reach out for help you can not simply rely on other people and "hide" behind them. Talking to a therapist is also super important because talking about things and getting them out in the open can make that weight you feel on your shoulders feel lighter even if its just by a little bit. 

This blog post has kind of been all over the place, but the point I am trying to make is even if you fall down you can always get back up. It does not mean you have failed. It does not mean you are weak by asking for help. Falling is not an excuse to retreat back to addictive patterns. Your are stronger than you think and if you don't think so.. well your alive aren't you? I know its hard and it hurts, just keep pushing through. Baby steps.

Xoxo,

Katelyn 

Please, keep living. 
"Stay strong for us, Cause the love we can create can overcome all of the pain. Stay strong They never thought they could be so close to hell. And they never thought they could learn to love themselves"